Forget about new girls Love Island must get rid of all the boys and give us real men- Jessica Boulton

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ATTENTION Patrons of Love Island: we have a serious emergency. The villa is dangerously short of its supplies ….

No makeup, fake tans, bottled water or tuna fondant (real or metaphorical).

…. But something much more essential: decent, nice guys.

In fact, if they don’t replenish the villa with fresh meat, uh, soon it will be a really bad time for the girls.

Because, let’s face it, the boys’ collective bad behavior last night would leave a bad taste in anyone’s mouth.

Let’s start with the biggest rotten of them all – Jake.

First comes the indisputable fact: he strikes with Liberty. Yet for some reason he seems to believe it’s actually the other way around.

We had the show of classless, flashing, air-hitting machismo, guys on the go in Magaluf-esque when he was elected in the Hideaway.



Jake suggested he was open to getting to know the new girls when they entered the villa

Then the so charming joke of the tent pole in the shorts with the boys. Subtle, sophisticated and attractive, Jake is not.

Once inside, the 24-year-old water engineer appeared to have placed the plush rug in his lap during his striptease, before picking up what I imagine to be a bottle of essential oil and declaring with the Class from an 18-30 Club Vacation Representative: “Ah, strawberry lube! “

How romantic.

Still, Liberty, 21, appeared to be stricken the next morning until her beloved bedmate dropped another bomb. If another blonde girl came in, he would “give her time to get to know her too.”

To echo the words of an outraged Kaz, “Excuse me ??”

Who are you kidding Jake?

“What else could he get from a man that I didn’t give him?” Nando’s waitress and student Liberty screamed, in a statement aimed at reversing feminism for decades.

I don’t know Lib. Maybe you really put your foot in your mouth when discussing her penchant for heat and sweat (and not in a good way) at brunch.



Are Faye and Liam the real deal?
Are Faye and Liam the real deal?

Or maybe … the problem was you does not have put your foot in his mouth.

Because, as he told us in his VT, he loves nothing more than being a good cocky toe.

Now on to the other guys: And girls, I’ve watched all the romantic comedies for years, so let me give you some advice.

If he suggests that you try “cracking up with other people” (Brad to Rachel), takes a week to hug yourself (Toby with Kaz), or announces a five-year plan that includes virtually nothing on relationships (Liam to Faye), then there is one truth that should be universally recognized:

He’s just not very interested.

Blue-eyed worker Brad is pretty but also pretty dumb if he thinks we think he wants to build a future with Rachel. Kaz needs to locate his self-esteem because if Toby has to try this Difficult to “get started” in their relationship, believe me, it is better that they stay on the sidelines. Hugo is clearly Chloe’s friend zone.

And Faye, well, the mini Katie Price clone, is fast becoming one of my favorites to put it like it is. Liam is handsome in the catalog with a side portion of Essex Boy looks. So if you like that sort of thing, he’s sexy.

But at the level of personality? Well, it looks cooler than a session in a cryotherapy chamber – and just as freezing cold.



Kaz Kamwi and Toby Aromolaran shared several kisses but are they on the same wavelength?
Kaz Kamwi and Toby Aromolaran shared several kisses but are they on the same wavelength?

So Love Island Powers-That-Be, that leaves us with event planner Aaron. He actually seems a nice guy, but certainly not to Sharon, a Department of Transportation official.

Why? Because she’s too flashy for him, he believes. That’s because they’ve known each other FOR ONE week and already have what Aaron calls their first “hiccup”: she wants a career and a lime-green Aston Martin.

He wants four children.

Yes, it turns out that Sharon’s worst nightmare is being stuck looking after her offspring and doing “housework” – which I guess is like a laborious version of housework and, for to be honest, a much more appropriate term for endless days of household chores. .

Remember that Aaron is very old at, uh, 24 and Sharon 25. And they’ve been in a relationship ever since, uh, Friday .

Let us also remember that we are in 2021 and not in 1950. And now here is what Aaron said honestly and without irony: “Sharon telling me that she does not want children, or that she does not love children. not the kids, right now it’s definitely kinda our situation – we need to keep talking about it and working on it.



Love Island fans are far from impressed with the boy's recent behavior in the villa
Love Island fans are far from impressed with the boy’s recent behavior in the villa

“I’m not sure she has time, in real life, for a man.”

Sorry Aaron, I would say the relationship faces less hiccups and more blunt trauma to the head, with a few stab wounds to the jugular to boot.

So forget about the two new blonde girls joining the villa, if we don’t get a whole slew of new, more compatible, chivalrous and modern men soon, this series will be darker than an EastEnders Christmas Day episode. . Meanwhile, despite the continual worries of all Baby Boomers about the show corrupting our precious youth into blind sex demons, the hottest summer TV snog isn’t coming from Love Island at all … but of the video surveillance of the former Secretary of Health.

And it is a state of affairs that hurts the stomach.

For more Love Island chats, join me and a special Islander guest, on Jess Saying Live, Fridays, facebook.com/DailyMirror

Catch up now with AJ and Curtis Pritchard discussing island life and ex Maura Higgins’ new romance with Strictly friend Giovanni Pernice. See the video here: facebook.com/DailyMirror/videos

Do you have a story to sell? Contact us at [email protected] or call us directly on 0207 29 33033.

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