How Mars’ Woke M&Ms Show the World Has Gone Crazy

In the latest manifestation of Woke Derangement Syndrome, M&M’s have had a makeover. The American confectionery company has redesigned the anthropomorphized figures it uses to advertise its chocolates by stripping the two women – Mrs Green and Mrs Brown – of their “sexy” shoes.

“I speak without a doubt on behalf of all women on earth in saying this: thank you, Mars! writes Arwa Mahdawi, author of Strong Female Lead. “When I was little, I felt like I could never be myself because of the way the green M&M mascot dressed. Every time I saw her wobble in ads wearing go- go white boots and batting her long eyelashes, a small part of me was dying inside.Although young, I recognized something deep: women would only be free when multinational corporations allowed anthropomorphized chocolate to wear shoes sensible.

When I was little, I ate Smarties, and I suspect Mrs. Mahdawi pulled my leg. I would say a lot of women and girls don’t care what companies do with cartoon avatars.

But others – who do it a lot – complain. Five days earlier, in the same publication, writer Emma Garland wrote: “M&M’s put the Green to shame – that’s not what Gen Z wants”.

What, the rest of us plead, does the woke really want? Let’s give them quick, so they can start sucking their thumbs again quietly and we can go back to sleep. Apparently: ‘If Mars really wanted to appeal to Gen Z, they should have given every M&M a bisexual girlfriend and £40,000 in student debt.’

As fun as it sounds, the real hit for Mars — in waking terms — would have been getting Yellow M&M to question its masculinity and fight Mrs. Green’s sexy boots. But nobody in the marketing department seems to have thought of that. Again.

Reviewing old M&M adverts, I have to admit it’s bizarre to see Mrs Green lying on a bed as the three M&M men film her melting with desire, or, in a version shown in Hong Kong, walking down a street as real people ogle her. In fact, there are many M&M advertisements with countless sexual innuendos – Mrs. Green engaging in flirtatious banter with Mrs. Brown, or doing a boldly suggestive “striptease“.

These advertisements cannot, I hope, target children. So perhaps waking up might be easy for Fox News host Tucker Carlson, who appears to have been smitten with Ms Green and has devoted an entire segment of his show to the upheaval his news of “unsexiness” caused him. “Finally, progress: simple, frumpy M&M candy,” the ticker read, its face a mask of fury: “Miserable, non-binary candy is all we deserve.”

“When you’re totally off, we’ve hit fairness: they won,” he said, while empathizing with Orange M&M – a male character whose makeover includes generalized anxiety disorder: ” If you look at him, the orange M&M looks very anxious. Maybe he doesn’t like all the new ugly shoes he sees around him. Maybe he liked sexy boots.

So whether you like M&M’s “sexy boots” and “stilettos” because you like to wear them yourself, or maybe you fancy M&Ms wearing them, in my opinion: only Smarties have the response to the debate on Mars – and these are the advertising campaigns. intended for children.

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