Texas monkey trade threatens college football playoffs


The folks at College Football Playoff are meeting again on Wednesday to discuss, among other things, the whole Texas monkey thing.

Calling it all complicated and messy doesn’t even come close. In other words, there’s a lot of sentiment involved when it comes to the shenanigans going on in Austin. I mean, how could anyone leave the party like that and go looking for something that was supposed to be locked up. I’m talking about the SEC putting their hand where it doesn’t belong, okay?


Okay, so here’s what we know.

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The current college football playoff involves four teams, which end up looking like a zoo full of corruption every year, but make sense on paper as it’s two banks of teams on either side of the bracket. There have to be more teams in this thing, obviously, and that’s why college football playoff exhibitionists are getting together again, but let me stop you there because the SEC looks like a conference assassin after you stabbed the heart of the Big 12 with a dagger.

Dude, what a monster show that SEC’s new look is going to be with the addition of Texas and Oklahoma. But especially in Texas. Maybe need a drink Monenaut IPA or two of our good friends at Straight to Ale Brewery in Huntsville just to get back to earth before season one.

Like a monkey ready to be shot in space, as Brad Pitt’s character in Fight Club once said.

Texas just wants to go back to that big poll in the sky, in other words, so no one can really blame the Longhorns for such an exotic violation of public trust. Oklahoma really has no excuse, however.

Monkey see, monkey do, right?

And now all that monkey around could be the thing to ruin the current effort to expand the playoffs to 12 teams. It is as if someone threw an adjustable wrench all over the system. Maybe this monkey has gone to heaven, as lead singer Black Francis of the Pixies previously warned us.

It cannot be. The future of college football is too important. Save that dancing lab chimp, whatever you do, Greg Sankey. Please. Super teams ruin the game. Geor-GIA is already a 500-pound gorilla destroying everything in its path and must be stopped.

Sankey was part of the CFP task force that originally offered a 12-team playoff, and that’s where it becomes a trap. After Sankey and the SEC bite the Big 12, some conference commissioners are only interested in expanding the playoffs to eight teams.


It’s like being served monkey brains inside a college football playoff Temple of Doom. Raw.

Eight won’t work because the big white elephant in the room has a monkey on its back and that monkey is the group of 5, well, maybe, being allowed to enter the haunted house of mirrors with everyone.

Cincinnati beat Notre Dame, remember? Well I’ll be a monkey uncle, apparently the CFP committee did just that when they released their first ranking on Tuesday. The committee placed Cincinnati (8-0) at No. 6 despite being ranked No. 2 in the AP’s Top 25. The first CFP Top 5: Georgia (8-0), Alabama (7-1), Michigan State (8-0), Oregon (7-1) and Ohio State (7-1) . The cartel has been occupied.

Don’t try to overthink this thing, Alabama. There’s absolutely no way a two-losing Crimson Tide could make the CFP against an undefeated Cincinnati. A two-defeat Auburn? Well it’s a different shot in the dark all together.

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Boxed, but am I the only one who thinks a Bearcat looks a bit like a monkey the same way Cincinnati Cinnamon Spaghetti tastes a bit like chili?

The AP Top 25 poll doesn’t mean anything now that the college football playoff committee orchestrates its big masquerade starting around this time every year, but think about it before delisting the writers. The last time only two SEC teams were ranked in the Top 10 AP before Week 10 of a season was in 2017.

Georgia and Alabama gave us the best game of a national college football championship (2nd and 26th).

Still, if the college football playoff committee is trying to grease its poll to hurt these furry spaghetti eaters, then beware. It’s a dangerous game that they play because everyone who knows something understands that stuff with teeth can bite. It doesn’t matter if he’s small or cute. Caged animals are not pets.

Maybe this is just a slack year for the SEC, or maybe we find that this “Alliance” between the Big Ten and the Pac-12 could have some bite as well. These cheeky monkeys. At the same time, Michigan State’s stripping of Michigan makes it look like it’s only setting us up for another unsatisfying striptease like in 2016. Nothing more naked in the history of this playoff system than the ‘Alabama 38, Michigan State 0.

And, by the way, the semifinals are on New Years Eve again. I’m not saying they made a college football playoff monkey, but we’re getting closer.

The college football playoffs were designed to allay fears of a broken system, at least that’s what they say, but we now know that this circus race actually needs a lot of therapy itself before. to be able to serve more dreams.

There is always a controversial poll, but who am I to judge how college football chooses to make a living. And at least it’s still more fun than a barrel of monkeys.

Don’t shock the monkey, as Peter Gabriel warned, but someone has to think about the children. We can’t always accept what these people who make money banks are constantly selling. At one point, biting isn’t such a bad thing.

Keep people honest.

Joseph Goodman is a columnist for the Alabama Media Group. He’s on Twitter @JoeGoodmanJr. His first book, “We Want Bama: A season of hope and the making of Nick Saban’s ‘ultimate team’”, will be released on November 9.

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